Death Becomes me
by JRush
Summary: This is a one off.  It takes place immediately after Changes and before Ghost Story... Maybe...


Ch 1

"Death Becomes Me"

The room was well lit, but from no discernable light source. There were no shadows anywhere that I could see. The floor was alabaster white and impossibly smooth and it seemed to shimmer in the light. I could see no seams from tiles or where stones had been joined together as if the large room was made from one solid piece of stone. I sat in a surprisingly comfortable oak chair. The chair was simple, yet elegant with carving covering the legs and high back. In front of me was a table made of the same pale oak stained golden with carvings of leaves and vines covering side, legs and all except the edges and center of the table top. Across from me sat a very attractive woman. She had smooth pale skin, golden blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore a familiar simple white tunic made from a sheer material somewhere between silk and misty breeze. She smiled at me kindly, letting the confusion and surprise pass as I became aware of my surroundings.

"I know I'm dead but if this is Hell it's gotten a bad PR job!" I muttered wearily as I admired the calm demeanor of the fallen angel who had shared space in my brain for a few years. I remembered being shot through the chest, close to if not directly through my heart. Now here I was sitting with one of the fallen, this couldn't bode well for me. The room radiated warmth and there was nothing to indicate pain or injury in my body. if anything it was reassuring and comforting. It felt like something I had never had never felt before, it felt like home. I felt safe, comfortable and oddly at ease, as if nothing could touch me here and I would have nothing to worry about ever again. I could be that I'm still in shock from being shot, but there's no blood, no bullet hole. My mind was starting to think clearly as I surveyed the room.

"You're not in 'Hell' Harry and I'm not Laschelle, I'm Lash." At this last point she smiled, "I have you to thank for my deliverance and redemption. " She said smiling widely with a joy I had never seen in her eyes before. It was a true joy and happiness that you simply can't fake as her face and whole being lit up with it.

"Um, you may have to use little words with me for a while. I've had a very strange day…" I mumbled dryly, as I lifted my hand to my chest and felt the same smooth material over my chest. When I looked down there was not blood, when I pushed on my chest, there was no pain. My tunic was similar to hers, gathered at the waist with a white belt and I was wearing the most comfortable pants, if you could call them that, they felt more like pajamas. I was surprised but not shocked at his predicament. I am a wizard and have dealt with '_weird'_ just about every day, this one pretty much rocked the weird meter even for me. "What do you mean redemption? How could I do that? I'm a pretty tough wizard but saving souls isn't in my job description. I mean I've spent a long time wondering where I'd go when I died and always figured it'd be a 50/50 chance of ending up someplace good… Do I have to do the dishes here to get in?" I asked leaning closer to my longtime brain mate.

At this Lash laughed and her face turned a lovely shade of pink. "Harry, can it be that you don't understand what happened to me?" She asked as another beautiful smile spread across her face, "Then again how could you. Let me explain and I'll try to go slowly for you." She shifted in her chair to lean one arm against the table pressing her body interestingly against that heavenly fabric. I felt embarrassed for noticing such things in haven, but God made her that way. Who was I to not admire his work?

"Do you remember the last time we were together?" She asked looking serious and speaking like one would to a child. "You told me I had a choice and that I could choose for myself, and I did. Up to that point I didn't think such a thing was possible. However, having spent so much time watching you toil for others at your own expense and seeing what was at stake if you were to lose I decided I had to act. I knew that it would destroy me but at that point I was just a shade, a copy of the original in the coin and what did it matter if I were to disappear? So I went against my nature and gave you the time and chance you needed to save yourself." She said in a calm rational voice as if she were describing the best way to poach an egg. Then a wider smile graced her face making her even more beautiful than I had ever remembered seeing her, no hidden agenda, no malice just that joy again. "What I didn't know was that as I was torn from your brain, I was trying to hang on as long as I could and when every part of me had been burned from your brain, I was still there watching you. I didn't understand it either, but somewhere in your heart, you must have cared for me on some level because as I was being thrust out, with only my own mental energy keeping me from dispersing into nothingness, you infused me with a piece of your very essence, you gave me part of your immortal soul Harry. That was enough to give me existence." She sat up strait and proud, beaming at me, "Shortly thereafter, very shortly, I was summoned by one of the powers of light and given an offer. Since I had tried to sacrifice my very being to save you and your love had saved me from annihilation, giving me a soul, I was eligible to return and resume my duties as a lower status angel. Albeit, under close scrutiny, until such a time as I have proven myself to be reliable, which I will." She sat across from me smiling with that warming aura of joy and, was it love, radiating from her like heat from a space heater. I felt like I could sit there forever, like Mouse when you are lightly scratching his belly, it was bliss.

Somewhere my head began to spin, Bob had said that I had lost a chunk of my soul or chi or whatever you wanted to call it after that fight but I thought it had been from dealing with a bunch of the most powerful ghouls, zombies and badass necromancer I'd ever come across. I had chalked it up to drawing on my own essence to save my own butt. I had admit I did like Lash, even though I knew that she was only a shade of an extremely powerful being that wanted to play dress up in my body for a few hundred years if not longer. She had been respectful and a help to me when I needed it, although every bit of help came with an offer for unspeakable power if I only took up the coin that held the fullness of the being she had been a watered down copy of. I liked her. Plain and simple, if things had been different and she hadn't been trying to corrupt me, who knows, we could have hit it off. I did miss her when she was gone, kind of, okay I did. Not the evil or temptation but the closeness we shared, she knew everything I ever did or thought and didn't judge me and still treated me well. How many people can you say that about?

Somewhere else in my brain another thought was bubbling to the surface. Had I helped to create a being? I had helped to save or create an angel? This was getting curiouser and curiouser, I almost expected a rabbit in a big hat to run by exclaiming he was late for tea.

"Um Okay," I said, noticing that I had no pain in my body as I ran my hand through my clean hair, no lake slime or oils clung to it, it was as if I had washed and moisturized my hair. I moisturize sometimes. Thomas had bought me a full line of hair care products, skin care too, granted most of the bottles were unopened and only the shampoo was empty, but I did try the moisturizer. If it didn't take ten to fifteen minutes to use I might be inclined to use it more often, but when you don't have a water heater, that's a long time to stand in a cold shower.

"So you are playing for the good guys now?" I asked pulling my mind back on track as I stammered. "Why don't you have your wings yet? I can have father Forthill ring a bell a few hundred times if it would help."

"It doesn't quite work that way, but thank you." She said and smiled at my wit. "I've been given a very important assignment since we were parted Harry, do you know what that assignment is?" She asked looking more serious, but she kindly continued before I could stutter something inane. "I have been assigned to be one of your guardian angels. I've done more watching than guarding I'm afraid but there are rules and strictures when it comes to faith and you are a difficult case Harry. You have more faith than most people in the clergy that I've known but you have just as much stubbornness. It's your belief that things will work out as they need to that has given me the most latitude to act in your favor, but even then it's been limited." She leaned over and touched my hand with a smile, "But it has given me the chance to be with you and try to make up for what I had put you through and for that I am thankful."

"So… Thank you, I guess. I'm still unclear as to exactly where we are and a little worried about what comes next." I admitted taking her had in mine lightly. "Should I be frightened? I guess I'm still not sure what's going on." I said quietly, my head was clear but still not all the pieces were connecting as I would have expected them to. I felt vulnerable but something deep inside me told me that she was telling the truth and I could trust her, it was like a gut instinct but solid as bedrock.

"Well, just to be clear, this isn't heaven proper. This is a space bordering your world and the plane of existence where heaven resides. Think of this as a suburb between two major cities but not belonging to either directly, like unincorporated land between two counties. We are here because I have an offer for you Mr. Dresden." With that she pulled her hands back and folded them neatly in front of her. The radiated joy seemed to step up slightly, but her face became very serious. "You have lived an, interesting life and done much more good than harm. You have been a good friend and even when blindsided by being a father you rushed to save your child although you had never met her. You sacrificed the woman you loved to save the child and your friends. You've also been a pigheaded jerk at times and really seemed to enjoy it, but the good seems to outweigh the bad. Most here seem to agree with me that you would fit in nicely here. But there is still much work to be done. You have in your possession two swords that belong to my boss and he would very much like to see them back in the hands of worthy representatives. Also you have a child and apprentice you are responsible for, if you were to be taken now there is no telling how their lives could change and what the ripple effect from that could be."

At that I thought of Molly, she was a good kid, a little green but very good at what she did and was getting better. If she didn't have a teacher or someone to keep her on the straight and narrow and keep the wardens swords off her neck at the same time she could have any one of many terrible fates. Then there was Maggie, she was a slight, tiny thing and looked painfully like her mother. I'm sure father Forthill would do his best to find her a suitable home, but what if she had the family gift. What if there was no one to guide her and teach her the laws of magic. Molly almost ended up on the floor of an abandoned hanger missing her head for a misguided stunt meant to help her friends and did untold damage to them and her in the process. What if Maggie, the daughter of one of the most notorious wizards to grace the white council since my mother, were to slip? Would she be given the benefit of the doubt or would she end up headless in some abandoned building and taken to the morgue as a Jane Doe? Not to mention that I had enough enemies from days past who might go after either of them or Murphy or Thomas for some payback. I should have felt anger and worry at these thoughts, but the warmth and calm of this place flowed through my very being, these thoughts were obviously scary but that only weighted their importance, there was not chill down my spine or fire in my belly, it was just the way things are.

"I don't know about more good than not, but I'll trust your accounting on that." I looked into her face and tried to smile. "I'm dead, how can I help my friends from this side? Are you offering me a set of training wings?" I asked.

"Nothing quite that covert I'm afraid, Harry." Lash smiled at this, her teeth gleaming like flawless pearls set between two perfect strawberry red lips, "I'm offering you a chance to go back. You got close to the end of the light, but you didn't quite cross over. I caught you first and pulled you here so we can talk. Like you said you were killed fair and square. We know that you have earned a rest and many rewards for your service both on your own and with the Knights of the Cross. However, even here you still have a choice. This is a rare and one time offer Harry so think carefully. If you go back and screw it up, next time the end of the tunnel may not be so nice. You have been tempted by darkness more than once and resisted it well, but how many more times will you have the strength to say no to that power. You made a deal with the Winter Queen just this week that you would normally never consider, but for your child you were willing to give yourself over to her. Now that you are dead, that power has returned to her and your obligation fulfilled, but if you go back, will you take it back up or worse, will you take up my old masters coin for love or duty? You need to think well on these before you answer Harry. If you do go back, I can only help so much. You will always have free will, unless you willingly give it up. If you do that, there is nothing I can do but watch you destroy yourself and many, many others." With this last part she looked deeply into my eyes. I couldn't look away and the severity and finality of her offer started to hit me like a ton of bricks. But even in this place those bricks were wrapped in soft comfy pillows.

To be honest, I could use the rest. I always said I'd rest when I was dead and well here I was, worm food, doornail dead. I might be able to get to know my mother or maybe the Merlin and maybe I'd figure out once and for all what the deal with all the different religions was all about. Then again I could go back and hold Maggie and have dinner with Michael and his family, hells bells I could even take Murphy upon that dinner offer she had extended before I was so rudely dispatched. I love being me, it's never dull.

Ch2

"The Za-Lord has been attacked! His him and office have been destroyed! He has been hurt and is currently missing! We need to mobilize and fast!" Yelled the dew drop fairy, to the others whom had gathered at his request. "The Za-Lord has proven himself fearless and a solid friend to the Wyldfae and it is time for us to prove our worth!" Nods of approval rippled throughout the multicolored crowd of luminescent beings. Some were but a pinpoint of light, others were two to three inches tall, but the one addressing them was a full eight inches tall, he was their general; he was Toot-toot, friend of the Za-Lord and head of his guard. He had called this meeting to rally the troops and find their master and bring whomever had caused him pain their just deserts.

They had gathered in a small stand of trees at the marina, the whole congregation took up maybe a ten by ten foot area in the noise buffer between the marina and the streets of Chicago. It was a clear and cold night but there were still police checking the crime scene and large halogen lights lighting up the area as they went over the outside of the boat looking for fibers or other evidence that could lead them to the assailant.

"From what the gold shield mortals have said it looks like he fell into the water after being hurt. We need to get the sylphs and nymphs looking for him! We don't have much time so if you ever want to get a piece of pizza all to yourself that isn't cold from the trash then we need to move NOW! For The Za-LORD!" General Toot-toot finished in a crescendo and to the cheers of everyone in attendance.

From the crowd an older fairy spoke up, "I know a sylph in this lake, she'll help!" he shouted. "We can get the birds to help look too!" yelled another. "I know someone who knows someone who can get the fish to help look too!" yelled yet another tiny voice. People often underestimate the little folk, they may be tiny but when directed to do a simple task like find something, there is no one better and they were on a mission to save their benefactor. They were up to the task.

"Then get going the sooner we find him the more likely he won't be dead!" yelled Toot to his assembly. "Go now and get whatever help you can, I must go to the winter court but I expect a report when I get back!" Upon mentioning the winter court everyone exchanged serious looks. You didn't go to the winter court unless you were summoned and even then it usually didn't go well. What he had proposed is similar to mentioning you were going into a hostile den of crazed ninjas to ask to use their phone. But they had their marching orders and to save their benefactor they would call in whatever favors they had. The Za-Lord had dealt fairly with them, he even gave them pizza when they did nothing but clean his house, which for a fairy amounted to a little magic and a lot of snooping. He had been good to them, which is saying a lot as most wizards that bothered with them was less than impressed with their stature and tended to bully them. The Za-Lord had not only been actually nice to them but had gone out of his way to free many who were there from the clutches of the white court and asked nothing in return and did I mention he gave them pizza on a regular basis.

As the crowd dispersed in an explosion of color and beating wings, fairy dust flying in all directions, Toot-toot stood alone in the dark grotto planning his next move. The winter court was the least hospitable of the two courts. He was wyldfaye and did not serve their court so he would be fair game to any monster or court member who wanted to have a fairy on a leash or worse yet, for a snack. He pushed down his fear. There were bigger issues at stake, namely pizza and the man who had made him a general, the Za-Lord.

When he first met the wizard Harry Dresden, he had been your typical fairy. Well even other fairies laughed at him. Since then, he had helped to stop a rogue fairy queen and was promoted to General of the Za-Lords guard. He was the keeper of pizza and leader of the guard for the man who had done much for them. Now he was respected and it was time for him to help his lord. Fairies may not be known for their fearlessness, but at this moment he was willing to face Mister, Harry's 30lb cat to achieve his purposes and even worse, Leanan Sidehe Harry's fairy godmother.

The gates of Arctis Tor stood like spears of ice in the frozen wasteland. The wolves and yeti wandered in circles below the pale blue ball of light. "I am Toot-toot of the dew drop fairies, here to speak to the Lady Leannan Sidehe on a matter of the utmost importance!" shrieked Toot as he circled just out of reach of the guards at the gates. Try as they might the little fairy was faster than the guards and swooped just out of reach as they jumped trying to snatch him out of the air for a quick snack. After the fourth or fifth time of announcing himself and dodging drooling fanges as he did so, the gates made a thunderous sound like that of a wide river during the spring thaw. For all the popping and groaning of the gates they only parted a small way to allow a froggy looking person to slip through the gates. With a word the dire wolves and yeti stepped aside to allow him to approach.

"I am Toot…" he started again as the froglike fellow waved his words aside, "You have been granted an audience with the winters handmaiden, I trust you understand the consequences if you are wasting her time?" he snarled with a leering look towards Toot at the last part.

"I do!" said Toot, puffing out his chest and pulling himself to his full height as he floated in midair.

The froglike creature simply rolled his eyes and muttered, "follow me, sir." His webbed hands ended in sucker like fingertips and his eyelids looked three times too large for his face and all of his exposed skin looked unrealistically moist given that it must have been 20 degrees below zero with wind chill, but he trudged along silently leading Toot into the stronghold. They went up one of the side towers and the stairs seemed to go on forever, not that toot minded as he floated ever upwards following his escort. After what seemed to take forever they ended up at a landing with huge double doors made of an opaque deep blue with green lines running through the inner portions of the door. They were beautifully polished until they almost glowed in the dim light from the small tower windows above. "This is where I leave you. I will return to give you safe escort from the castle. Until then the bonds of hospitality are to be upheld." With that the gangly pot bellied person walked impossibly fast down the way they had come and was out of sight in an instant. Toot watched him vanish and wondered how something so big could move so fast. As if in answer to his thoughts the doors split open soundlessly and glided open to reveal a large courtyard of sorts. Ringed by various alcoves and covered terraces, the courtyard was adorned with statues and fountains of various shapes and sizes. Some of the statues Toot recognized from tales of great heroes and vile beasts. Sitting off to one side in flowing sea green and sky blue robes was a woman of unspeakable beauty who radiated power like a nuclear reactor about to go critical. Toot had never before met Leanan Sidehe but he now understood why she was feared and revered. Toot could think of many words to describe her but fierce was the only one that really seemed to fit her. Everything about her was fierce, her beauty, her power, the depths of knowledge and cunning that danced in her eyes and smile. This was not someone you wanted to trifle with or disappoint and if you did, it would only happen once, ending very badly.

"Master Toot-toot of the Wyldfae, do you bear a message from the Earlking or do you have some other business that demands my attention?" she asked as she turned to gaze upon the overly large fairy. Toot almost froze and fell to the ground under the full intensity of her gaze. For a moment he imagined himself turning to pure ice and falling to the ground to shatter into a million tiny little pieces. He quickly remembered why he was here and although every cell in his body was screaming for him to turn and run, he swallowed hard and landed on the pedestal of a statue, just out of reach of the winter's handmaiden.

"My Lady I come bearing grave news from the mortal world that I believe you would want to hear as soon as possible." Folding his arms over his chest and putting on his most serious and somber face, which is very difficult for a dew drop fairy, he continued, "The wizard Harry Dresden, revered among my kind as the Za-Lord was attacked by persons unknown and is currently missing." With this the lady straitened up as if a pole had been run up the back of her gown, recovering she smiled sweetly as if indifferent to the news.

"The wizard Dresden is known to me and he is capable as humans go. I know he was in a tussle not two days ago where he destroyed the entire red court. I'm sure he can handle himself. But, tell me…" She said leaning forward her eyes narrowing, "Why is it you come to me with this news and how does it affect you, little one?"

"Well, because he's hurt. There was a lot of blood and the gold shield humans said he was shot 50 calibres, but left a BIG HOLE in the side of the boat. They said he fell over the side without his coat." Toot offered softening his posture and pouring his concerns out to the winters Lady. "Harry has always been good to us. He's always treated us fairly and even nicely. No other wizard has shown us any respect or kindness but Harry, he's good to us and we have sworn to serve him and that's why I'm here. It's little known that you are his godmother but yet there it is, I thought if anyone could or would help us it would be you."

"I understand your concern, and admire your loyalty to my godchild but I'm afraid you are too late little one. You see I was informed early today that the power of the Winters Knight had returned to Queen Mab. He is gone little one, and it pains me to think upon it but your show of support and loyalty to him is admirable and a credit to his memory." With this she turned away her eyes looking glassy and her features softening. "I was fond of the young wizard you know. I couldn't be there for him as I would like or let on my fondness for him lest he become a pawn of my enemies, but still he was a credit to his family and good man. I can see why you liked him so."

"So that's it? Is there nothing we can do for him?" Toot asked shaken and trembling, only now realizing that Harry may not be coming back from this adventure.

"There is nothing more to be done little one. I'm afraid he is beyond my reach, but take solace in the fact that he was a true friend to your kind, remember what he has done for your people and that will be enough." She said turning back slowly. "Now if you don't mind I do have urgent matters to deal with and must be back to the matters of the court."

Suddenly filled with despair, Toots shoulders hunched and his glow diminished by half as his head drooped with the sudden rush of sadness. "Then I will be off m'lady. Thank you for sharing this information with me and I am sorry for your loss. The world will be a much sadder and more dangerous place without him." With that he fluttered off through the doors and down the center of the tower leaving the froglike creature to nearly sprint to keep up with Toot as he nearly freefell to the bottom of the tower stopping just a few feet from the tower floor. As they neared the gates anger mixed with sadness and as he crossed the gates of Arctis Tor he streaked into the sky and simply vanished.

Upon his arrival back in Chicago a few hours later the information they had received from the Lady Sedhe was confirmed. Harrys body had been found on an uncharted island a few miles to the southwest. His body was pale and beginning to stiffen, his eye were open but glassy and flat. In tribute the fairies gathered wood for a funeral pyre and stacked up at least three cords of wood in a large heap ending with a flat spot for the body of the wizard they planned to honor. They had finished stacking the wood and placing the body by late morning and decided to begin the tribute at sundown.


End file.
